WHY ME?

Hi there!  I'm Margie and I want to share a small part of my growth towards conquering the emotional, physical, and mental traps I had allowed myself to dwell in for many years (ok, decades but who's counting?).

I don't know if the mental illness that was to plague my life was the result of traumatic sexual abuse perpetrated by not one but two men before I was five years old.  I don't know if it was because I didn't grow up in a home where affection and encouragement were the norm.  I don't know if it was because I had a father who was absent (most of the time) and alcoholic (all the time).  Maybe there was a genetic component.  Again, I don't know and I really don't care.  What I do know is this:  I didn't have to build a house in the mental and emotional chaos that became my norm.  I didn't have to claim it as my own, I didn't have to put roots down.  Through the years of my 20s, 30s, and 40s I was diagnosed with The Who's Who of mental illness-bipolar with schizoaffective features (yep, I was hearing and seeing things that weren't there);  post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD);  generalized anxiety disorder... I was on a first name basis with the staff at our local inpatient behavioral health wing.  I hurt myself in many ways.  I attempted suicide a couple times and nearly succeeded once. I was a "cutter", someone who makes wounds on themselves in order to control feeling.  I was on a laundry list of psychotropic medications which simply traded one issue for another.  I wasn't as depressed or anxious or manic but I was a zombie, barely shuffling while life passed me by. I hurt everyone who loved me. I HAD NO HOPE!

Through all of this I was a Christian.  I even had some powerful teaching and I "knew" the Bible.  One day about 8-9 years ago I attended a service at our church (you know, the one I attended on special days).  The speaker was a man with an amazing healing ministry because God healed him from an incurable disease with a very small chance of survival.  So he gave his message, then invited us up to a healing line.  I obeyed the Holy Spirit's whisper even though my mind was telling me it just wasn't for me. The anointing that covered me when he laid hands on me is something you have to experience to understand!  But wait, was I immediately healed?  Nope!  Because the scripture tells us faith without works is dead.  I then began a journey of learning techniques to control my thoughts and emotions so they no longer controlled me.  I got in the Word and learned what God says about me (hint: none of it is emotional turmoil).  It is peace and joy! I began practicing the skills I acquired and slowly I discovered that I wasn't so sick any more!  My psychiatrist suggested we wean me off of the hardest of the medications and see how I did since I had shown so much progress.  One by one the medications were stripped away without my falling back into the symptoms that had nearly destroyed me.  I was a completely new being!  That old Margie has been put to death, incinerated, and buried at the depths of the ocean.  I've been symptom free for a couple years now and I have to tell you it is GLORIOUS! Now, I'm not claiming that I never feel sad or angry or anxious.  Of course I do!  The difference is I know how to take care of it immediately and push it out with a quickness so that it doesn't try to settle back in. My life now is full of all the best things-an intimate relationship with the Manifester of all things; a huge, tightly knit family; a new business; and a ministry that has been leading me in unexpected ways. 

So, why me?  Why do you want me to be your guide to unimaginable victory over your thoughts and emotions?  Because I know the road well and I'll get you home safely.

           *Margie*

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